She works hard for the money

Thank you all so much for your words of encouragement, you don't know how much they really do mean to me. I didn't write this to say "oh, please feel sorry for me". Not at all. First of all, I just needed to get all my feelings out. Secondly, I have learned one of the best ways to sell/find something is through people you already know. How many of you or your husbands got the jobs they have because of someone they knew? Exactly.

I guess week 2 is where Negative Nancy knocks on your door. Monday I let her in and had a hard day. I was thinking of every terrible scenario and making myself depressed. I've been trying to keep busy to not think about it, but how do I NOT think about it even when i'm keeping busy? May I also say some people should really not try to console you. Someone said to Sean "Ya know, if you lost your house, it's really not the end of the world." REALLY? those are your words of encouragement? (this person will never read this, so no worries... really though maybe they need to read this). To me, that would be aweful. Not the end of the world, yes, but truly, horribly aweful.

Money is one the the things that stresses me out most in life. Even though we have been fine, and made it through other situations, i'm still always thinking of things going wrong. How do people with money problems or mountains of debt go on as if everything is normal? I really don't know. Debt makes me sick to my stomach. We've only had little amounts in our marriage and have always paid them off in a decent amount of time. I totally understand medical bills and deem them a whole other catergory. I'm sure part of my problem is a little thing called anxiety. I think I hide it pretty well from most people, and it's something I don't talk about. Sometimes I really am fine, others, not so much. *I once had a panic attack at the temple and had to talk myself out of it. I remember coming out of there thinking "Holy Cow, i'm a freakshow!". I'm sure the lady sitting next to me thought the same thing.*

So, to add to the job stress all I can think about is not having insurance. The kids can get CHIP, thank goodness, but what about me and Sean. And if any of you know Sean, he is accident prone, i swear! Even the kidney stone was partly his fault(and he knows it). Luckily I don't use much medical care, other than the crazy meds I sometimes need.

Too bad I can't just be one of those nonchalant people who don't care, but I do, I care a lot. I don't even like the idea of enemployment. I grew up with parents that taught us you worked and worked hard for your money and didn't take handouts. (how many of you just starting singing Donna Summer:
She works hard for the money
So hard for it, honey
She works hard for the money
So you better treat her right)

I really do think things will work out and that we will be okay, but things are definitely swirling around in this (now that you know) crazy head of mine.

If you know anyone moving to the Layton area here is the info from the WFR:
http://www.utahrealestate.com/960541